The Wean is On

Dear God, please help me get through this. I’m really scared. The pain is unbearable, but I know I need to do this. Please give me strength and peace. Amen.”  Toes curled, baby mouth to nipple, and then I scream.

That was my routine during the early days of breastfeeding. It hurt like hell. Ethan wasn’t latching, my nipples were cracked and I was to soothing balms like Miley Cyrus was to pasties.

After a few weeks though, Ethan started nursing like a pro – what used to take 40-45 mins, now only took 10-15 mins. No pain. I finally experienced the beauty of breastfeeding – it really is quite magical and the time I spent with Ethan was beyond precious.

In the last week, I’ve started weaning. I’m going back to work and Ethan’s been exhibiting what can only be described as living dead tendencies – he has been chomping down on every part of my body and taking flesh with him.

Today he actually showed preference to a bottle of whole milk over. breastfeeding. I have to admit, it gutted me a little. While this was my goal, I don’t think I was ready for it to happen so soon and can’t help but feel like I’ve lost something special. This was an experience only he and I did together and now we won’t be doing it anymore. Sigh. Here’s to many more instances of being a parent and learning to let go.

I’ll never forget the way he looked at me after every feeding though..

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