When I have a “bad” day – that is, a day where I really feel like I could have done better with Ethan (e.g. didn’t give him enough tummy time, didn’t clean his toys that he regularly tries to digest, didn’t burp him well enough which led to a vomit explosion etc.) – I always think to myself “tomorrow I’ll do better.”

While that thought is not revelatory by any means, I take more peace in it now than ever before. Perhaps it’s because I screw up a lot, but I think it’s also because I’m learning babies are incredibly resilient. Rarely does what you do today screw them up forever. Also, they have short term mermory. Ethan could wail like there’s a global breast milk drought before he falls asleep, but then he’ll wake up, stare at the ceiling and think the world is a magical place.

I think it’s clear – pooping in his pants notwithstanding – I need to be more like my baby.

Here’s a short clip of my son rejoicing at the dawn of a new day:

Despite having what appears to be 690,937,124 photos of Ethan, I’m hardly in any of them. My husband is of the kind who prefers to live the moment vs. capture it. Well, good for freaking him.

When he’s old, senile and gray, he’ll have the luxury of reflecting on years and years of beautiful memories shared between him and his son. Ethan will look back and think, “wow, dad and I had some good times.” They’ll have this special bond, rooted in experiences they’ll be able to recount and relive — all because mom took pictures!

Great. Just great.

On the plus side, any photo that I do have with Ethan, is one that I’ve made happen. Meaning, I look at my husband and say, “take a picture now.” The benefit to this is that I ensure I’m somewhat presentable. So 10-15 years down the road, when I’ve completely traded in keeping up appearances for “I don’t give two Fs”, Ethan will see the eight photos he has with his mom from back in the day and think, “I guess she wasn’t always a loser.” Here’s hoping.

February 23, 10:23 PM. My husband was out that night and I was exhausted. Despite my best renditions of lullaby classics like “Sleep, Ethan, Sleep”, “Please, Please, Sleep” and “Whyyyyy” – Ethan opted for tears, many, many, tears. So, I picked him up from his bassinet, held him close, then placed him on top of me as we both lay down. He calmed and a gentle silence fell over the room. We/he finally slept.

We haven’t slept like that since. Nowadays, when I place him on top of me, he immediately arches his neck up and whimpers to be placed somewhere else. I think he prefers a location with less ribcage and more mattress cushioning.

While I’m glad I remember that night on February 23, I’m hoping that date loses its significance. Despite the tears (his and mine), I desperately hope that wasn’t the last time he would fall asleep on me. Don’t grow up too fast, please.

Ethan just started solids. For the past week, my husband and I have been feigning excitement every time we would sit down for a feeding. We were cheering, hollering, giving repeated thumbs up and woo-hoo’ing at offensive decibels. If you didn’t know better, you would’ve thought our son either won the Presidency or informed us that we would never have to work again.

Despite all that – he still gagged and puked.

Tonight, he finally swallowed. I kept my composure, but I was so proud of the little guy. I don’t care if he ever becomes President (we’re Canadian anyway)! Though, I wouldn’t mind never having to work again. Now that you know how to eat, go make some money, Ethan. Thanks!

I had plans to start this blog two months before my due date. I thought it would be a great way to re-ignite my passion for writing while also giving me something to do with all the free time I would have – you know, when the baby is either quietly playing by himself, not requiring any attention at all or when he’s sleeping peacefully for all those long, uninterrupted hours.

Then, he was born and it’s six months later and here’s my first post.

This is my new reality. Or, I’m just really lazy, in which case, nothing has changed.

Here’s a photo to kick things off –  here I am trying to impart valuable life lessons on to Ethan: look at the camera when taking a selfie, yo! Once he’s mastered that, we’ll move on to the art of the duck face.